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Stopping the Silence: My Tool to Escape From Domestic Violence and to Find Liberty and Justice

Domestic Violence and Gender: What I Have to Say
Stopping the Silence
Telling Saved Me
More than a year
Thanks to the NYPD
Telling the Court
To the Judge
What You Need to Know
It Is About Control
Signs of Abuse
Gay Domestic Violence
LGBT 2001 DV report
Domestic Violence Cycle
Why do You Stay? Traumatic Bonding
Escape from Domestic Violence
Hotline Numbers
DV and Genger: What I Have to Say
Healing Process
Survivor's Pages
Criminals Exposed
My Link Suggestions


  •       I have come across a disturbing movement started by other men on a desperate attempt to continue to oppress women and manipulate the already crushed and oppressed sense of self of other male victims of domestic violence.  I want everyone who visits my site to be clear about some important truths about domestic violence.  Especially, if you are another men who has survived domestic violence, or is struggling to escape from domestic violence, or just learning about domestic violence, I want you to be clear about two things: women were and continue to be the overwhelming majority of domestic violence victims and men were and continue to be by enlarge the perpetrators of domestic violence.  Therefore, it only makes sense the institutions and resources that have been set up to help victims of domestic violence are for women.  Having said that, don't be afraid to ask for help from these resources that are already well established, they help any victim of domestic violence regardless of gender: I am living proof of that.  But, most importantly, ask for guidance from the true heroes of domestic violence: the survivors.  Yes, it could be that the only survivors you come across may be women.  Well, unlike the majority of us, men, women have truly shown their strength and humanity, and unlike our male counterparts they will enlighten you, and help you get through and overcome the abuse instead of oppressing and controlling you.  As long as you are honest and open to have a discussion about your struggle help is available to you too.  In my struggle to escape domestic violence, women who survived domestic violence have became the angels who gave me support and guidance.  Also, women were the ones who protected me from the criminal acts of violence from my ex: the ADA by issuing the order of protections and following through with the criminal charges and the DV police officers by making the arrests and helping me understand about domestic violence.   The message I am trying to give here, is that even if it seems that there are no support systems for the male victim of domestic violence, the reality is that you do have all the help you need to overcome the abuse and make the abuser accountable for the crimes committed against you.  So, do not be fooled and manipulated when you come across those coward and weak men who are threatened by women's strengths and try to deny the realities of domestic violence.  Instead, be brave and ask for help, welcome and embrace the strength and knowledge women add to our society.  In the end, the world will become a safe place and you will become a better human being.

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The True Statistics:
An overwhelming majority of domestic violence victims are women:
90 - 95% of domestic violence victims are women.  Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence Between Intimates (NCJ-149259), November 1994.
As many as 95% of domestic violence perpetrators are male.  A Report of the Violence against Women Research Strategic Planning Workshop sponsored by the National Institute of Justice in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 1995.
Much of female violence is committed in self-defense, and inflicts less injury than male violence.  Chalk & King, eds., Violence in Families: Assessing Prevention & Treatment Programs, National Resource Council and Institute of Medicine, p. 42 (1998).
During 1992-1993, women were 6 times more likely to experience violence by an intimate partner than men. Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: Violence Against Women: Estimates from the Redesigned Survey (NCJ-154348), August 1995, p. 1.
The chance of being victimized by an intimate is 10 times greater for a woman than a man.  Bureau of Justice Statistics Special Report: National Crime Victimization Survey, Violence Against Women, 1994.
70% of intimate homicide victims are female. Bureau of Justice Statistics Selected Findings: Violence Between Intimates (NCJ-149259), November 1994.
Male perpetrators are 4 times more likely to use lethal violence than females. Florida Governor's Task Force on Domestic and Sexual Violence, Florida Mortality Review Project, 1997, p.44, table 7.

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